me,, become....

me,, become an independent woman,,, i already did....
me,, become a good bestfriend,,, i already did....
me,, become a SE's degree holder,,, i already did...
me,, become a master student,,, i can imagine that.... 
me,, become a MBA's degree holder,,, i can imagine that....
me,, become a successful restaurateur,,, i can imagine that....




what i can't imagine is...




become an important person in someone's life...
honestly... 
i can't imagine how life's works when i become "the important person"




yes,, the truth is awful... 
i can imagine many things,,, i can imagine who or what i become in the future 
except one thing.... 




is that define my list in life??? 
is that define things i will do in life???
is that define me as a person???


i don't think so...
but if people want to judge me for what i choose,, then be it... 

learn to look with heart...

for the past four year of my college journey,,, i've been falling for someone for about.... three times...
yes,,, three different person with their own pluses and minuses... 
some said that i choose to like and love them because their personality,, but... wait...


when i think about it carefully.... i fell to them most of because their looks or how they treated me in the beginning we met..
i never really looked into their heart or what they really mean... 
believe it or not,,, for the past four year, i like someone just because what they look in the outside!!!!!!
what a mess... 
and i just realise that...
what a pity..... =( =( 


the other reason why my life looks like "an epic mess" is because i just accept people from the beginning...
i didn't look who they really are,,, since i don't have many friends in senior high,, 
i promised my self to accept people without knowing who they really are... i just think they all good and nice...
then... look what happen now....
i'm disappointed... my heart hurts... and i don't know if i can trust people like i used to be...




and now... since my relationship and friendship section didn't end up well.. (i'm still a single lady,, and a person whom i believe so much betrayed me...)
i start to learn something...
something that i must learn from the beginning of my journey...




now... i start to learn, to look with my heart,, not just with my eyes... 
yup... i think it's the best way to know people well,, better than i used to be...




so,, in my new book of life... in a new chapter of my life,,, i will practice that...
i will look people with my eyes and heart...
i'll be different than the old me...




i start to look with my heart...
yes... using the most fragile and most believable thing that i have... 
my own heart,,, 

what's next

these are things i want to do after graduation day : 








1. have a long vacation to Bali, Lombok, and Komodo Island
2. entering TOEFL course
3. applying for MBA degree in University of Ballarat, Australia
4. go around Aussie to learn cuisine for my restaurant (about 3 years from now.. amin)










and that's just things that comes in my head...
the rest is... I DON'T KNOW... I JUST LET IT FLOW
let the time shows me,,, let GOD guide me,,, 

fiuuhhh... finally....

alhamdulillah......

finally one of many lights i've been waiting for came...
yes,,, it's not perfect,,, but i think it's good enough for me...





really,,, it's like... one of many weight on my shoulders lifted up...
altough not all "the weight" lifted.... still,,,, i'm very grateful with this,,,,





that's what i'm trying to do....
help me, GOD....
help me through this life...
guide me..

my favorite quotes..

these are some quotes that inspire me... 









Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility; for it thinks all things lawful for itself, and all things possible.

- Thomas A. Kempis - 






Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, the accept it and live up to it. 




- Buddha - 






We are each responsible for our own life - no other person is or even can be. 


- Oprah Winfrey - 

There is one great truth on this planet : whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It's your mission on earth. 

- Paulo Coelho - 






Love is not to be found in someone else, but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But in order to do that, we need the other person. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with. 


- Paulo Coelho - 

eid adh = potong kambing??

selamat idul adha semuanyaaaaaaaa....

suara sapinya kedengeran nih sampe rumah,,, padahal rumah ga deket2 banget sama masjid...
hehehehehehehehe



kambingnya sudah siap dipotong.....




sapinya juga sudah siaaaaaappppp....


sebenarnya kasian juga sih ngeliat mereka dipotong begitu,,, meskipun gw bukan animal lover
tapiiiii ngerasa sedih jugaaa,,,,


anyway,,, once again....

HAPPY EID ADH, EVERYONE..... 

when i think of you

my dearest sunshine...

today,, on my way home... 

the sunset is sooooooooooooooooo beautiful...

when i look at the blue sky that turns red,,, i remember you...

i imagine you with me, enjoying the beautiful sunset 

and you know what, honey.....

the sunset is similar with this...

so beautiful, right????

beacuse of the beautiful sunset and you in my head

i don't feel really sad and low anymore...

geez... you are,,, truly,, a medicine for my sadness..

a helping hand when i stumble...

you are truly my sunshine after the rain,, after a bad storm...

good life???

i wrote this not beacuse i'm not grateful or thankful enough...
it's about a journey to reach something....


i've been through so many bad things for the past one and a half year...
and i think it's bad or worst enough cause it change me,, change my heart...
but,,, now a bad thing comes (again..)
i'm force to face it with sooooooooooo much patient,,,
my besties said patient has no limit... if we think we reach our limit,, it will extend with or without our permission..
well,, that's what i've been trying to do...


it makes me think..
is life is really good???
or it's just a song to boost my mood??
am i not strong enough to face things happened before so i get this "shit"??


i admitt,,, for the past three days,, i've holding my tears,,,
i hide it,, i try to be strong and looks a little bit numb...
is it good or not.. i don't know,,,
i just don't want to look so childish if i cry or whining about things...

so... what have i got to do???

my life is mine.. not yours...

i can't imagine how busy a person is when he just think or make a comment about other's life...
why a thing happen,, or how they overcome their problem,, how they act about things,, and so on,, and so on...
and my question is..... are they have another things to do?? or maybe because of they did'n have important things to do, then they tell people how or what to do...
it's a waste of time, isn't it???
it's like they don't have their own life cause they just talk or being busy about others'


that's what happen in maybe most of people's life,, including me...
i can't stay how people tell me what to do while they don't know what i want or what's really happen so i made that choice.. they just being "i know many things and you just a dumb" kind of people...
honestly,, i hate that,,,
why can't they just tell but not pushing someone to do things?? why???
is it other's life become theirs?? is it privacy not important anymore??
is human rights is being abandoned???


i know,, maybe their will is right but sometimes.. how they said it, annoyed me.. really fed up of that...
sometimes,, i just think to throw them in a trash or maybe push them to the clive...
or just don't hear what they said,,,
hmmmmmmm... just don't know how to act in front of them again...
as a matter of fact,, it still my life,, isn't it???
i have the right to face it the way i want,, in many ways that i believe is right,,,


MY LIFE IS MINE, NOT YOURS...


so,, stop disturbing me with questions or suggestions and push me to do that...
you can suggest me many things,, but whether i did that or not.. it still my right,, my choice..

close the old book,, write the new one

well.. after what happened yesterday... i got an A-ha moment...
i really have to close the old book i used to write with all my tears and laugh
i have to start a new story,, a new life.. and maybe become a new me...

life's hurt,, but when we got a lesson from it,,, we become stronger and wiser..
that's what i thought,, maybe it's the time...
cause i know... i can't live like this anymore.. i can't live with this pain and tears

so..

now it's the time.. to re-think about life and move on..
try another thing.. re-invent myself... be who i want to be, at the place where i belong...
wish me luck, then,,,
hope it will bring me more happiness than what i've been through before...

it reminds me of you

today,, when i felt so low... i listen to my phone's radio...
clay aiken's song, invisible,, played..
and in that moment,, i remember you,, i think about you... 
then,, i don't feel really sad anymore...
i just smile.. remembering you... thinking about how you cheer me up when i was down...
thinking about life.. how good it is when you're exist.. 
thinking about how you make me feel...
just a simple thinking about you, my sunshine, my spongebob, my inspiration... 


just a simple thing that makes me re-think about my heart,, how it works,, how it makes me feel..




thank you so much for being my biggest inspiration in life.. 
i can't say anything beside..


THANK YOU....